


Do you think we'll meet again?

by Firgolfin



Series: Cullen and Surana [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Cullens and Suranas POV, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Forbidden Love, Light Angst, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2015-04-05
Packaged: 2018-03-21 09:02:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3686304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Firgolfin/pseuds/Firgolfin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ferelden Circle: As the young elven mage Surana realizes that she has to leave the Circle of Magi and maybe never will be able to see the templar Cullen again, she gathers all her courage and asks him to break the rules: to spent her last night in the tower with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do you think we'll meet again?

**Author's Note:**

> 2015-05-24 Edit 1: Corrected a few punctuation mistakes and phrasing.
> 
> 2015-06-27 Edit 2: Corrected a few mistakes. Added just a few things to make it... rounder? :) Hope this is okay.
> 
> After spending several months with playing Dragon Age Inquisition, deeply in love with our curly Commander, I went back to do Origins again to see Cullen in his youth, before upcoming events nearly break him, change him.
> 
> I like the idea of Cullen and Surana spending at least one night together, right before she's leaving the Circle to become a Grey Warden. I tried to show their inner thoughts and fights, but, as I said, it's my very first try.

**********

 

She's waiting, nervous, walking back and forth in her new mage quarters which she'll have to leave so soon, her heart almost painfully thundering in her chest. It's late, midnight has long passed by.

 _He won't come_ , she thinks over and over again, heart falling.

He is too dutiful, to strongly bound to the templar order, this is his life, the life he'd chosen and worked so hard for, it's a dream becoming true for him. The most important thing in his life. And, besides, he's simply... too shy.

_He won't come. He won't break the rules._

And then, all the things she's done. Maker's Breath, she's helped a blood mage to destroy his phylactery. To escape the circle. _Damn you, Jowan. You've been my friend. I've believed in you and you've lied to me. Used me. Why in Andrastes name did you use blood magic? If you hadn't, you surely would have already passed your Harrowing and everything would be okay right now. Even with Lily, I think you could have found a way to be with her._

If Duncan hadn't recruited her, the templars would have killed her, or even worse, made _her_ tranquil. _I would rather die then_ , she thinks, remembering Owain, the strange guy from the store, with his lifeless eyes and his monotone voice. _He's just... eerie._

The look in Cullens eyes when she's told him. She swallows hard, remembering it, he's been so sad, so shocked, so _disappointed_. He had been very proud of her before, passing her Harrowing so fast and easily, and now, _this_. She's tried to explain him. That Greagoir has planned to made Jowan tranquil only because he _thinks_ he was a blood mage, but Jowan has sworn to her, sworn in the name of the maker and his lover Lily that he hasn't ever used blood magic his entire life. And she's believed him. _I'm such a naive idiot._

_He won't come. He can't trust me anymore. I broke the rules._

_But still..._

 

**********

 

_"I believe you," Cullen said._

_"Thank you. That means so much to me."_

_"You've tried to help a friend, even if that has meant to bring yourself in danger. It's... kind of... selfless, I think."_

_"I really don't know. I feel so ashamed. Maker knows what he'll do know. If he'll hurt anyone, it will be all my fault."_

_"No. It won't. Don't blame yourself too hard. You've made a mistake, but, you can't change it."_

_"Easy saying."_

_"Surana, even without you, he would have found a way, I'm sure of it. Who knows what had happened if they finally had tried to made him tranquil. Maybe he would had killed them all."_

_"Hm. Maybe you're right. Thanks for listening to me, for your comfort."_

_"You're always welcome." And he smiled._

_Oh, he was so confident, when they spoke like this._

_But when it came to their feelings for each other, he instantly became an stammering dork._

_*****  
_

_"So, you'll have to... leave?"  Cullen asked.  
_

_"Yes. Duncan recruited me for the Grey Wardens. We'll leave... tomorrow."_

_"Oh, you... so soon?"_

_"Yes." She observed him, biting her lip, but his gaze was wandering around, avoiding hers.  
_

_"I'm... I'm sorry to hear that."_

_"Cullen. Tonight will be my last night in the Circle. Maybe... ever. I... ehm... I thought, maybe... we could spend it... together."_

_"W-what?"_

_"No one will ever find out. But I...we can't just let it end like t-that. I-I like you... so much."_

_"I-I like you, too. B-but I...can't. I am... not allowed to."_

_"Reconsider it. I... I'll be waiting." And just this once it was her, and not him, who fled.  
_

 

_**********_

 

She can remember every single word of their last conversation.

He can't. He isn't allowed to. Yes, she knows. She knows it all too well. Damned Circle, damned rules everywhere, everyday. She kicks against her desk chair, frustrated. A sharp pain in her naked toes causes her to curse. Fuck it all! She's so glad to get the chance to leave! Thanks to Duncan to get her out of this shit here.

If only there wasn't this damn cute templar. Maker take him.

No, maker give him enough courage to do what his heart is yearning for. At least once in his life.

_It won't happen. He won't come._

And yet still she hopes.

 

**********

 

Cullen is standing at her door, it must be the tenth time this night during his patrol through the mage floor.

He lifts one hand to knock. Stops. His heart is hammering, his stomach convulsing, aching.

_I can't do this._

_She's a mage, and I am a templar. It's inappropriate. It's forbidden. It's unnatural._

But Maker, she is so lovely. He has never met a woman like her before.

_No. No. I will not do this. I will not enter._

Oh, how much he's longing for her. Lying awake countless nights, thinking of her. Imagining what it would be like, with _her._ What would her skin feel like? Her breath smell like, when it touches his skin, warm and sweet? And her fingers, long and slim, wandering over his body. Her lips on his, her tongue meeting his, would it be soft or rough? Would her kiss be shy and tender, or eager and passionate?

Tomorrow she'll be gone. Leaving. Ripped out of his life, probably forever. She'll be going to war. Becoming a Grey Warden. Fighting Dark Spawn. Maybe _dying._ _Maker, no._

This is the last chance, the _only_ chance to be with her. _To tell her._

_Maker help me._

_I... shouldn't..._ He takes one careful step back.

Suddenly, the door cracks and opens. He stiffs. _Oh no._

"I knew I heard something," Surana says, standing right before him, smiling, her cheeks slightly blushed. Green eyes staring, long blonde hair framing her face in the most attractive way. Maker's Breath, how can one be so beautiful?

"Don't you want to come in, finally?"

_I..., Maker forgive me, I want._

He throws a glimpse to to floor behind him, _no one's there,_ and the decision is made.

He steps in, taking a deep breath.

 

**********

 

Some kind of awkward silence fills the air between them.

He doesn't know what to do, he is standing in front of her, embarrassed, and so is she. She walks over, sitting on the bed, staring at him.

"You'll have to remove your armor," Surana says, and her voice is low and a bit raspy, wanting, yet with a light undertone of urgency. _We don't have much time_ , her eyes say without forming the words. And she doesn't have to–he knows. She is sitting right in front of him, only wearing a thin nightdress, he can see her nipples through the translucent fabric, and he feels his cock hardening, twitching.

"Y-yes," he stammers, sweating, his hands fumbling around and so do his words.. "S-sure."

The sudden urge to run out overcomes him and he glances towards the door.

"Don't you dare!" She literally jumps off the bed, running towards him, grabbing his hands with her own, holding them tight. "Please don't. Don't run away again!"

"But I-I think I... can't... do this... I h-have n-never..." He blushes, hard.

"Me neither," she says, smiling. "Relax, Cullen."

"What?" he nearly hisses out, eyes widening. "Is that true?"

"Cullen," now she's laughing to him, apparently amused by his shock. "When should I have gotten the opportunity? I was taken to the Circle when I was a little child. And since then I've ever been watching by... ehm... by your kind."

"I-I-I don't know. I heard the mages... ehm, sometimes... meet in private places and..." _Sweet Maker, what am I talking about? Stop babbling!_

"Yes, I know they do," she grins. "But I've never done that."

"And.. y-you... really... you want to do this? Now? With... with me?" He simply can't believe it.

"Cullen. I've always wanted you. Just you." She squeezes his hands, watching him, scared, yearningly.

And he falters, giving in to her, his mouth is crushing on hers and he finally kisses her, swallowing her surprised gasp. Maker, her lips are soft and sweet, she tastes so good. _Maker forgive me._

She lets go of his hands and wraps her arms around him, kissing him back eagerly, soft moaning into his mouth. His tongue flips out and between her teeth and maker, she allows it, and her kiss is becoming more intensive, their tongues meeting, twitching and curling.

All the things he's imagined before. Her lips on his, her tongue touching his. It feels warm, oh so warm, and soft and rough, shy and tender, eager and passionate, _all at once. This is everything._

"There's still your armor," she says after a while, smiling against his lips. "Maybe let me help you?"

And her fingers are wandering across his body, searching for the clasps and ties that hold his heavy armor pieces.

"Makers breath," she says after a few moments, resigned and somewhat frustrated. "How does _that_ work?"

Now it is Cullens turn to laugh, and it helps him just to relax a little bit, he takes his hands off her back and helps her with this damned thing and she grumbles "thank you," and he chuckles quietly.

And then he's only wearing his undergarments, and he can't believe it, she's saying, "Remove it all," he feels new heat spreading over his face, blushing even harder, but now he won't step back, he's gone too far already, decision has been made. And he slips out of his shirt, then pulls his breeches down, and his erection almost _jumps_ out.

He is naked and he doesn't dare to look at her now.

 

**********

 

He is standing right in front of her, completely naked, flushed, and her mouth falls open, watching him. His body is big and strong and muscled, and so is his shaft. She swallows hard, a bit afraid, it's so much bigger than she's expected. She's seen few penises before and they've been _smaller_ , she thinks.

"Oh. Wow," she simply says and looks at him. Cullen is avoiding her gaze, head bending down, eyes staring at the floor. _Oh dear, you sound like an idiot ,_ she thinks, wants to beat herself for her awkward stupidity.

"Cullen," she tries again, voice soft. "You are so, so beautiful." She watches his face carefully, waiting for his reaction. A small smile on his lips. _Thank the Maker._

"Please look at me." He obliges, unsure, but still, smiling.

Her hands are trembling and she is gathering all her courage, pulling at the ties on her shoulder that are holding her garments together. They are falling on the floor.

Instantly, his gaze flies away again. "Please," she whispers, shy, "please look at me," she repeats.

"It.. it's not.. appropriate", he stutters, head literally burning.

"Yes, it is. Please," she begs. _Look at me. Tell me that you like me, tell me that I am beautiful._

And then he does. His eyes wandering across her body, licking his lips and his expression changes. Still shy, but also... hungry.

"Do you... do you like me?"

"I-I... I've never seen anything more beautiful," he says, eyes now half-lidded, cheeks blushed, mouth opened.

"Then come over here," she purrs, her arms reaching out for him. "Come to me, Cullen."

They embrace, naked bodies pressing against each other, his skin is so soft and warm, his hands gently caressing her back, and she can feel _him_ between her thighs. Hard and large, wrapped in soft skin. A soft moans escapes her lips, the shyness is falling away from her, she wants him to be inside her. She feels a pleasant heat building in her belly, a tingling sensation in her abdomen.

She's breathing harder now, and so does Cullen. "I want you," she whispers in his ear, slowly walking backwards, pulling him with her, until her calves are bumping against the edge of the bed.

She sinks down in the sheets, taking his hands in hers, fingers entangled, pulling him towards her. She's still a bit scared for him to run away again, so she refuses to let his hands go.

His large body bents towards her, climbing up the mattress until he is completely above her. His body covers hers, his eyes are burning with want, his gaze now never leaves hers.

But still, he's nervous, trembling, uncertain, she can see it, sense it.

"Are you sure?" he asks, whispering. She can feel his length slipping across her folds, searching.

" _Yes_." She's wet, ready to take him in. She wraps her hands around his head and pulls him down, until his forehead touches hers. "I want you inside me, Cullen."

The head of his cock touches her entrance, his hand pumping once, twice, adjusting his position, and her heart is beating so loud and hard that she thinks it has to jump out of her chest every moment. For a brief moment she wonders if he can hear it.

Then her mind goes blank as she feels his slick head pressing into her.

 

***********

 

Cullen enters her, slowly, hesitant. The pressure on his chest is nearly too much to bear. He can barely breath and he's afraid to do something wrong, to hurt her. "Cullen," she repeats, breathless, her voice trembling, "I want you."

Her sweet and light voice sends shivers through his spine, encourages him, the pressure lessens, and he pushes in. Maker, she is wet. So wet and so smooth. A soft moan escapes his lips. Then she is tighter, he can't enter her further. His eyes are searching for hers. He's unsure, and so is she, biting her lips, eyes staring. Her body is slightly trembling underneath him.

"I-I think, you'll have to push... just... a little bit h-harder," she says a bit shyly.

"Are you sure?" he asks again and watches her carefully. Is she? Yes, she is. He can sense it, see it in her eyes, before she's even speaking. _She wants him._ As impossible as it seems to be for him. "Yes," she says, "I'm sure."

He takes a deep breath, tries to gather his courage. He withdraws until he's nearly completely out of her, and then he _pushes._

Her body twitches, a sharp breath escapes her lips, mouth falls open, and her eyes go wide. Shivering fingers are crawling in his skin. He feels the resistance disappearing her as he thrusts into her. He stills immediately, remains in her, motionless.

"Surana? Does it hurt? I... I am so sorry..." His soft voice is whispering, trembling hands caressing her cheeks.

"No, no," she nearly cries out, "I-I mean, just a little bit of hurt. I think it... _ehm..._ has to be like that. It is okay now." She wraps her arms closer around him, pulls him flat against her skin. Her lips are whispering against his ear, her warm breath caressing him. "It is fine, Cullen, please, don't stop."

And then she pulls his head down and towards her lips, and she kisses him, gently, her lips soft on his, their tongues meeting again, slowly curling, and he groans quietly against her mouth as he begins to move inside her.

Maker, he has never felt anything like this before. She is warm, moist and tight as he thrust into her, slow, deliberate, body pressed against hers, hands exploring, searching, finding each other, entangling. He nuzzles her neck, breathing her scent in, and she moves her body with him, arches underneath him.

"Everything... okay?" he asks, whispering, as he hears her making the strangest noises, almost mewling.

"Never thought it... _mhmm_... would feel so wonderful," she murmurs, kissing the sensitive skin of his neck and up to his ears, he can feel her hot breath, nibbling at his lobe, "mmm- me neither," he approves, pushing into her harder, hips pressed against hers.

"Yes," she hisses between clenched teeths and moves with him, pushing her hips up. Following his intuition, he lets go of her hands, moving one arm under her backside, supporting her, pushing her arse _up_ and changing the angle he's entering her. He's deep in her now, deeper than before, down to the hilt, and she's rewarding him with a sweet moan that is music in his ears, nails scraping down his back, leaving red marks on his skin.

_Oh! Sweet! Maker!_

Sweet drips down his forehead, his curls loosening and he doesn't care about anything anymore rather than making love to this amazing woman. Never had he dared even to dream that this could _really_ happen between them. That he would ever find the courage to do it, to break the rules, to be with her, intimate in this way. And now here they are, she's no longer a mage in this moment, she's just Surana, _his Surana,_ and he's not a templar right now but just Cullen, and it's like a dance, trained a hundred times, their bodies knowing what to do, everything fitting between them, everything just... _perfect._

He bites his lower lip in an effort to stay quiet, and quickens the pace, plunging deeply into her.

"Maker, Cullen," she purrs between sharp breaths, "y-yes. Like that. Don't...mmm... stop."

He slips in and out easily now, she's all wet, hot and inviting him, her walls closing tight and soft around him, like her arms around his sweating body.

The rhythm of their movements is steady, intensive, and soon Surana isn't just sighing, she's moaning with pleasure, _loud,_ and for the briefest moment fear walls over him, what if someone hears them, what if... and then he feels her coming undone, a moaning from deep within her throat, her body shaking and twitching, her inner muscles clenching around his cock. " _Sweet... Maker_ ", he grunts and feels his own climax nearing.

She's still orgasming and he thinks, _maker she's so beautiful_ , as he finally hurtles over the edge, pushing into her again as deep as he can, and again, feeling himself releasing into her. He's almost cursing, out of breath, biting his lower lip and trying to control his voice, collapsing on top of her, his cock still twitching, both breathing hard.

They lie still for a while, a sweet mess of tangled limbs and sweat and hair and sheets.

 

**********

 

It takes a long time before his pulse finally paces down. He holds her, his hands caressing her arms and back lazily, fingers wandering down her spine, and he is somewhat happy, smiling at the sensation of lying here with her, feeling her warm body, breathing her scent in.

But then he realizes that he most likely never will feel her like that again, and his heart is filled with sudden ache. He sighs deeply and pulls her body closer, tasting her with all his senses, burning everything of her in his memory so that he will never forget anything of it.

He has to go. He's been gone too long already. They will find them. They will punish them.

"Surana," he whispers, freeing himself from their embrace carefully, and it feels like one of the hardest things he's ever done, "I... I have to get back on patrol," he says. "They'll find out if I don't." His voice is sad, regretful.

"I know," she murmurs, her sad tone mirroring his feelings. She puts her small hands on his cheeks and kisses him softly. "I'll miss you," she says and her smile is full of grieve.

"As will I," he answered. "Maker, how I'll miss you. You are so beautiful. I..." _love you._

He can't say it. It's too soon, and it hurts too much.

Tomorrow she will be gone, going to war with Duncan and the Grey Warden, throwing herself in danger. Tomorrow she will be disappearing from his life and he will most likely never see her again. His heart aches the more he's thinking about it.

He wants to go with her, protect her, but he's a templar, his duties are lying here, in the Ferelden Circle. This is the life he's chosen, the life he has dreamed of since he was a boy, being a templar, a knight, helping and protecting the people, the poor. Besides, the rules for templars are no less strong than the rules for the mages. He _can't_ go with her.

This is his life. But this had all been before he'd met _her_. _Maker damn it._ He feels as if his heart is being ripped apart.

She's going to war and he can't accompany her. He wonders how she feels about this all. Her future. Unknowing paths. _Danger_. Torn out from everything she knows in her life.

"Are you afraid?" he asks gently, banning his own thoughts in a corner of his mind. _For later_.

He feels her shrugging. "I don't know," she says, "I don't know what to expect. As you know, I never was outside the Circle. I think I... I am afraid, sure, but I'm also excited. And Duncan seems to be a very good man."

"Yes, I think he is," Cullen agreed.

"To be honest," she continues, "if... if there wasn't you, I would _gladly_ leave the Circle and never look back. But I-I also know that there is no... shared future... for us." To see her struggling with her words nearly breaks Cullens heart, she's saying exactly what he's thinking, she isn't that naive to believe it could work, she knows, they both know, that-"I know the only reason for you to do _this,_ tonight, with me, is that you know that I'll... be gone tomorrow." A shiver runs down his spine. _Yes. Exactly._

_I'm so sorry, Surana._

"I'll miss you so much," he repeats, he don't know what else to say. He swallows hard, but the knot in his throat won't disappear. "Please, be careful, and be safe," he added weakly.

"You too, Cullen. And never forget: Whatever happens, what we have here, can never be taken from us." She puts one hand on his chest, right where his thundering heart sits, and the other on her own. "Sometimes we all just have to follow your hearts. This is what I wanted to give you."

"You're right. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget _you,_ " he says softly and closes his hands around hers before moving closer, bending towards her to give her a last, long and searing kiss.

 _Do you think we'll meet again someday,_ his heart asks, but he never says the words loud for the answer might be too painful.

 _Do you think we'll meet again someday_ , his lips whisper without making a noise as he leaves her.

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for typos, tense or syntax mistakes. This is my very first try to write English fan fiction and I struggled hard with the language. But I want to give it a try, because, I don't even know why, I do enjoy the English language much more than my first which is German. Maybe this is because of all those great fan fiction writers on AO3 and tumblr, which I enjoy sooo much.


End file.
